Fear doesn’t pay the bills. #PERIOD.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

-Marianne Williamson

This quote has always resonated with me for reasons I never fully understood. As I journey through adulthood, I’ve come to realize that it’s because sometimes (meaning most times) I’m afraid of my own greatness. I get scared. But what am I really afraid of? Myself? Like, how silly does that sound?! How is my passion scaring me?! It’s my passion after all...my purpose, ya know? 

I blame it on writers block, no inspiration, or no time. All excuses, honestly. None of these things are true. I think those who identify as creatives, and those who don’t, can relate. So what is it that scares me? I’ve realized it’s not the fear of failure, it’s the fear that I actually juuuuust might be good at it. Backwards right? I know.

I won’t lie, this post has been in my drafts for a long time. The goal was that when I finally published it, that I would have some profound advice to offer or a story of how I overcame this. A storybook ending. That’s not life and that’s also not the case here. I don’t have it all figured out just yet, and might not ever and that’s okay too. Recently, I worked with a major publication to help produce a 2 day event for them in New York City. I worked closely with A list talent and with event production from start to finish. Literally, something that I have prayed for and manifested and when it actually happened...do you know I considered running from it? My thought process went something like:  

“OMG this is the moment I’ve been preparing for!!! 

It’s HERE!!! 

But...wait...what if I’m not prepared enough? 

Nope, I know I am. I can do this, and kill it!

Wait...so what comes after? What happens next when I discover my greatness and start to live in it?”

The best part about it was that I didn’t listen. Thankfully, I have people in my corner that wouldn’t allow me to be afraid of my own greatness. Want to know the best part? I came, I saw, I CONQUERED not only my task, but that voice in my head! 

So like I said, I don’t have all the answers (none, actually) but I can share some realizations that I have come to.

  • If it scares you, you’re moving in the right direction.

    • If you’re not doing things that make you feel, and feel deeply at that, then why are you doing them? Ignite that fire within yourself. Sometimes, being uncomfortable is the only way to stop yourself from settling.

  • Maybe...No, you’re not getting opportunities you want because you’re selling yourself short. 

    • Letting fear rule me when God is telling me that (s)he designed me for so much more, for things much bigger is only delaying my destiny. That (s)he won’t allow me to sell myself short because I’m afraid. That (s)he didn’t put me through my tests to be mediocre, that (s)he didn’t do it in vain. I weathered the storm to come out on the other side not to go back to where I came from.

I had to step back and get myself together. If I’m going bet on anyone, I’m going to bet on myself. Would you rather be in a position that you want, even though you might be unsure of where it will take you or stay stagnant in a situation that can’t possibly end well for me because it’s not your situation to have? Exactly. So apply for that new job, take the leap and move out on your own, make that investment. Think about it, the worst that can happen is a no, which is only a change in trajectory. Not following your passion will leave you under paid, undervalued and very verrrrry unhappy.